Funny/Good Read ''10 Golden Rules Of ...

1: Online gaming is serious business:
So, you finally got your game hooked up and are ready to play. Now, you may be forgiven for thinking that online gaming is about having fun. You are very wrong and you will learn this in due time. Because we gamers are too physically weak to pick random fights in bars, we must assert our alpha male dominance another way -- by twiddling our fingers around on buttons until virtual representations of people we don't know simulate death.

This is your life now, and you are connected, physically and emotionally, to your in-game avatar. When they frag you, do you not bleed? Well, no you don't but that's not the point. You will mourn him for every second of that respawn countdown. His digital death just killed a little piece of you, and you will avenge with the fury of a thousand angry Gods.

In team games, if you are losing, remember to berate your teammates and tell them how much they suck. You won't be making a fool out of yourself for ordering them around and reminding them that your side is losing and nobody's helping you win. Also, you must use words like ''alpha,'' all the time, just like you're a real army man!

2: Noobs are scum:
People who are new to a particular game are terrible vermin who you should not fraternise with. These subhumans are known as noobs and they are the pariahs of online gaming. You, however, were never a noob. You were playing games online before the Internet was even invented. In fact, you're so awesome that you were playing Dizzy the Egg team deatchmatches on your Commodore 64.

Make sure to check out the stats of anybody in a game with you. If they have not been playing for long, then you must hurl insults at them because they are lesser human beings. Laugh cruelly if noobs are your opponents, and grimace loudly if they are on your team.

Also, the term noob has such power that if you dislike someone's actions in a game, you can say it to them as well. Obviously, displeasing you is deadly enough to make them forget all their prior gaming experience and they actually revert back into children.

3: If a feature in a game is popular/effective, it is cheap:
Be it the chainsaw in Gears of War, or snipers in any FPS ever made, there are a number of cool features and tactics in games that people not only find enjoyable to use, but are often highly effective methods of securing victory -- never use them. If you do so, you are cheap and will become a noob. You are a hardcore gamer now, which means you only use shotguns or anything else that's really boring. You hate all that is popular, and if you see anybody utilising the best/more useful features of a game, you are to get rid of them immediately.

If these pukes were good at the game like you, they wouldn't need to rely on such cheap tactics, would they? They'd be like you, running around with the shotgun, not having fun and despising everything everyone else is doing. The fact that they have killed you so many times is proof of how bad they are at playing.

4: If anything kills you at all, it is cheap:
Like the above rule, but applied to every potential threat in a game. If someone shoots you to death using nothing but a pistol and with his eyes closed, he is being cheap. Cheap is one of the most brutal insults after noob, and anybody who hears it will feel worse about the fact they are winning ten to zero. It's a hollow victory, because they are so cheap.

5: If you are losing, it is because of lag:
Following on from the cheapness laws, you will soon get to learn that nothing is ever your fault when it comes to gaming. Lag is a process whereby everyone in the game becomes better than you thanks to the Internet helping them become cheap. The Internet does this a lot, but never affects the enemies you kill yourself, because you have skills.

Nearly every death you ever suffer in a game will be due to lag of some kind. The Internet hates you that much, even though you are so good.

6: If you are losing badly, it is because they are hacking:
Losing a little is one thing, that's just lag conspiring to keep your ownage levels down, but lag can only help the noobs cheaply beat you so much. If you are losing to such a point where not even your lag-pwning skill seems to be making a difference, well there's only one solution, and it's not that they are better than you -- it's that they are hacking.

People who appear to be doing a lot of killing and not much of being killed are hackers, plain and simple. There is no way they're that good without cheating. Re-assure your team (after calling them worthless) that the enemy is clearly powered by nefarious undertakings and you are being penalized for your wholesome and pure ways. Then remember to say alpha.

7: Everyone is gay
Before the Internet was invented, gay people were those in society who were attracted physically and emotionally to members of the same gender. Since the Internet, everyone and everything is gay From the gun they use to kill you, to the voice they use to communicate with you, it is all gay gay gay Lag is gay snipers are gay noobs are gay people from other countries are gay the countries they come from are gay the ocean the country is surrounded by is gay the fish in the ocean are gay all sealife is gay life is gay gays are gay gay gay gay Gay

Using the same one-syllable word to describe everything you don't like might not be an indicator of a varied vocabulary, but who cares? Words are gay

8: Singing is awesome:
Communicating via a headset is great because it lets gamers sing, and that is one of the only reasons we buy headsets. In fact, some people are known to log into servers just to hear poor quality, nasal renditions of the latest ''phat tracks.'' One of the most original and beloved songs to sing is anything done by Rick Astley.

Try to sing as loudly and obnoxiously as you can into your headset before, during and after a game, only stopping when you need to step away from the mic to breathe. Everybody will be impressed and will want to play with you again. In fact, you're so great at singing that the only reason you're not on Broadway right now is that showbusiness is full of lag.
If you lack the raw sexual magnetisim and confidence that is required to sing during a game, you can always hold the microphone up to some speakers and play your favorite tunes for everybody. Your fellow gamers really care what your musical interests are and will applaud your tasteful selection of tracks.

9: Calling people naggers is both original and hilarious:
Racism online is bad, which is a shame because deep down everybody knows it's actually awesome. There is, however, a really witty workaround that allows you to say racist words while not actually saying them. Remember that episode of South Park where Randy believed that the missing letter in ''n - ggers'' was an I? Then he said the full word and everyone was shocked because it was actually naggers and not that word? Well, here's a pro tip -- nobody has EVER thought of calling people naggers online. You are going to be so edgy if you capitalize on this opportunity.

Do it all the time and your popularity will skyrocket.

10: Team members who score are kill stealers:
Kill stealing is one of the most abhorrent and despicable crimes ever committed, and is even listed in some modern Bibles as the eighth deadly sin. Every opponent is a victim waiting to die by your hand alone, and if anybody dares shoot them before you, they are a kill stealer. Only you may have the glory of the kill, and woe betide anybody caught shooting at the same target as you. If they get the win, they clearly stole your kill.
Even if you and a team member are on opposite sides of the game map, they kill stole. Obviously they did. Probably thanks to a hack.

Just remember, of course, that you are not a kill stealer. You are merely an opportunist. Besides which, since all the enemies are your personal fodder anyway, you're taking nothing away from the meat puppets who are only there to be noobs and bring down your score by sucking.

These are the ten golden rules of online gaming. There are of course plenty of other important laws, but this should be everything you need to get started off on the right footing. First impressions are crucial, and with these ten rules in mind, you will always impress.

Good luck pwning, my fellow online warriors. May noobs fall at your feet and your sword cut through the mists of lag forevermore. Funny/Good Read ''10 Golden Rules Of ...
Two words: True, Awesome#9 is...differentFunny/Good Read ''10 Golden Rules Of ...
I only read the titles for each one but 4,5,%267 cracked me up
[QUOTE=''Moo-Moo-Milk'']I only read the titles for each one but 4,5,%267 cracked me up[/QUOTE] #7 is funny as s***
LOL + props
3+5 get the LULZ from me!
Wow I actually read the whole thing and it was not bad at all thanks for the tips I will be killing noobs in no time.
:lol: Funny thing is, all of that is true.
This is so true, it's almost not funny...almost. I laughed pretty hard at it!
Lol. You know I've had all that happen to me except for the singing bit. Well there once was this russian guy but I'm not sure if it was singing.
This is the best ''good read'' i've ever seen in SW.
rule #7 is sooooooo true :lol:great read.
lol this is hilarious :P
[This message was deleted at the request of a moderator or administrator]
rofl....those are some awesome rules which i can relate to, except the racist part.....but i do act that way sometimes....lol gay and n00b
great thread man.
you are a genius sir I solute you.
This thread is made of epic and win.
Great stuff, but I must ask, where is it from? :wink:
In the words of my brother-in-law, ''How many 13-year-olds would pay $50 a year to annoy people on the Internet? Oh, wait, all of them.''I hereby declare #8 the ''Sucka MC'' rule.

Next company to enter the games consoles ...

So, I think that it is inevitable, another company will enter games console manufacturing, Like Microsoft did with the Xbox, Being the most recent. Apple, maybe? Or maybe even Sega could come up with a new console? Apple seems pretty likely to me. Who knows, What do you think?Next company to enter the games consoles ...
Apple had a console, it flopped, badly.Next company to enter the games consoles ...
Apple Console? What was that?
apple i hope. i think they are capable of doing something new, like nintendo. if they get any 3rd party support that is.
Unless they are a giant company with tons of money(ie not Sega :P) I doubt anyone would try.
No one I hope. That's the last thing we need.
[QUOTE=''EddieTheGreat'']Apple Console? What was that?[/QUOTE]
Pippin
Apple may make a deal with one of the three companies
With the cost of video games these days, another company entering the market isn't very likely. And even if some company comes up with the cash, it may run into some trouble with available games, considering the development time on some of the launch games for the 360 and PS3 (assuming that another console isn't going to be a rip of the Wii.) For those of you saying Sega, I'd rather they joined forces with Nintendo; I think they'd mesh well together.
Apple will probly make like some super tiny 4000$ hand held with 3 games.
i hope Wal-Mart makes there one console...it will rule
Samsung.
Either Apple or EA. However, if anyone was going to come out of nowhere and surprise us, I'd say either Wizards of the Coast, or Panasonic.
[QUOTE=''EddieTheGreat'']Apple Console? What was that?[/QUOTE]the apple pippen worse selling consile of all time
Capcom.
[This message was deleted at the request of a moderator or administrator]
It's called Electronic Arts......for newer gamers just EA :)
[QUOTE=''killabondy'']the jews...[/QUOTE]Already in.....they are called Microsoft!
Sega Dreamcast 2plz?
No one. There isn't a market for a 4th console and there isn't anyone in a position to make a marketable console. Hell the Playstation brand wouldn't even exist without Nintendo's help.

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Patapon AAA!

Woot it got AAA here at Gamespot! Great news to PSP owners!Now for the GoW review!Patapon AAA!
yay!!!!!Patapon AAA!
Hurrah.I guess the PSP naysayers are going to resign soon. Things are looking up, maybe I can actually bear to play a game or two.
Pre-ordered it today! This game is looking on the up and up. :)
I don't hate PSP. I think it has a beautiful screen I just don't like the controls or long loading times and I'm rarely in a position where I would play a handheld over a console.This game looked pretty cool but I have no idea how it plays.
[QUOTE=''JiveT'']I don't hate PSP. I think it has a beautiful screen I just don't like the controls or long loading times and I'm rarely in a position where I would play a handheld over a console.This game looked pretty cool but I have no idea how it plays.[/QUOTE]The slim PSP is designed to reduce loading times....this game has absolutely no need for different controls than what's on the PSP already.
Wow the psp might have 3 AAA's this quarter. God of war is getting AAA reviews, and Crisis core probably will get a AAA. Good for psp.
It definitely deserves it. Can't wait to see what the creators of Locoroco will make next.
[QUOTE=''JiveT'']I don't hate PSP. I think it has a beautiful screen I just don't like the controls or long loading times and I'm rarely in a position where I would play a handheld over a console.This game looked pretty cool but I have no idea how it plays.[/QUOTE]Most psp games dont have much for loading times, this is just another myth.
Awesome, still waiting for the Apollo Justice review though...:xHow 'bout it Gamespot?

System Wars greatest SHORTAGE is...

...Facts. Waaay too many made up ''facts.'' Rumors abound with nothing but speculation being passed off as factual info. Beyond that there is a short supply of objectivity. Too much bias. Fanboys will never quit.System Wars greatest SHORTAGE is...
in short, you want this to be a ''fanboys are bad but we all know this'' topic.System Wars greatest SHORTAGE is...
blah
blah
....INTELLIGENT PEOPLE. :D
[QUOTE=''mushroomscout89'']....INTELLIGENT PEOPLE. :D[/QUOTE]Aw, beat me to it.....

Only 10% of PS3's power harnessed for Re ...

http://www.pspsps.tv/2008/01/only_10_of_ps3s_power_harnesse.htmlI cant believe this is true!Only 10% of PS3's power harnessed for Re ...
i should think so too considering resistance isnt exactly a ''technical masterpiece''Only 10% of PS3's power harnessed for Re ...
own3d
We all knew this when the game came out!
and gears only uses .0000001% of the 360's powah! see, i can make up numbers too
[QUOTE=''shoeman12''] and gears only uses .0000001% of the 360's powah! see, i can make up numbers too[/QUOTE] That was not my word
Thats because the other 90% is devoted to Blueray movies.
If developers don't know how to max out a system then how can they tell what percentage their game is running at?
[QUOTE=''Violet-Eye'']http://www.pspsps.tv/2008/01/only_10_of_ps3s_power_harnesse.htmlI cant believe this is true![/QUOTE]Just hyperbol. Maybe thats true for the cell but not for the GPU (yeah the article says 10%-20% of the SPU's) so not much room for improvement there as far as textures and pollys go. Could help with physics tough.
does the PS3 have a powermometer? because im a bit tired of seeing the % of power each game uses
Guy's, I've heard SMG only uses 0.00000000000001925% of the Wii's power. Teh power of teh Broadway!!!!!!!!!
[QUOTE=''spinecaton'']If developers don't know how to max out a system then how can they tell what percentage their game is running at?[/QUOTE]They are talking about the SPU's and are probably going by how many are in use at one time.By that logic my PC is only using 25% of its power when a single threaded game uses just one core.
[QUOTE=''Violet-Eye''][QUOTE=''shoeman12''] and gears only uses .0000001% of the 360's powah! see, i can make up numbers too[/QUOTE] That was not my word[/QUOTE]i know, but it's impossible to determine these numbers without guessing. and, i've never even heard of that website.
[QUOTE=''stika'']does the PS3 have a powermometer? because im a bit tired of seeing the % of power each game uses[/QUOTE]The devs are just going by how much the SPU's are being used. Same type of thing you see when you look at performance in task manager in windows.
Ten percent?! Lazy devs!
[QUOTE=''TOAO_Cyrus1''][QUOTE=''spinecaton'']If developers don't know how to max out a system then how can they tell what percentage their game is running at?[/QUOTE]They are talking about the SPU's and are probably going by how many are in use at one time.By that logic my PC is only using 25% of its power when a single threaded game uses just one core.[/QUOTE]I didn't bother reading the link but just going off of what the TC said, my bad :oops:
[QUOTE=''TOAO_Cyrus1''][QUOTE=''stika'']does the PS3 have a powermometer? because im a bit tired of seeing the % of power each game uses[/QUOTE]The devs are just going by how much the SPU's are being used. Same type of thing you see when you look at performance in task manager in windows.[/QUOTE]yes but thats CPU perfomance, people think that because a game only uses the certain part of the CPU the games will look better, well guess what they wont, and lets not forget that most consoles never reach 100 % of their power
[QUOTE=''stika''][QUOTE=''TOAO_Cyrus1''][QUOTE=''stika'']does the PS3 have a powermometer? because im a bit tired of seeing the % of power each game uses[/QUOTE]The devs are just going by how much the SPU's are being used. Same type of thing you see when you look at performance in task manager in windows.[/QUOTE]yes but thats CPU perfomance, people think that because a game only uses the certain part of the CPU the games will look better, well guess what they wont, and lets not forget that most consoles never reach 100 % of their power[/QUOTE]Yes I know that see my other posts.
That's because it's not using 4D graphics, duh.
Resistance is one ugly game, looks like a PS2 game IMO.

Today we mourn the death of HDDVD

Bow your heads. Say a prayer. Good job picking Beta over VHS Microsoft Today we mourn the death of HDDVD
Standard DVD's will still sell more than Blu Ray. BR is close to dead.Today we mourn the death of HDDVD
red ray is the future though
Already posted quite a few times since the official announcement and this will get closed because lemmings will complain its the wrong forum.
God too many format war threads.
[QUOTE=''earthmonkeyyy'']Standard DVD's will still sell more than Blu Ray. BR is close to dead.[/QUOTE]Lol.. just no.[QUOTE=''Rigga911'']red ray is the future though[/QUOTE]Red rays are what dvd and cd's use. So um.. how about the past, not the future.

Am u the only one that realizes that the ...

honestly its just ugly. at least epic takes away the color making it look a bit better.Am u the only one that realizes that the ...
I developed a healthy hate for the Unreal Engine 2 last gen and it has carried over to 3 this gen. At least devs could work with UE2, UE3 just seems liek a bag of problemsAm u the only one that realizes that the ...
im not a fan of it either
I feel the same way.
I'm not really a fan but Bioshock made it look good IMO.
well.. it has been used in a numer of good games, so i cant really hate it
Uh oh, more jaded game critics :roll:



Unreal engine looks fine. Get off your high horse.
Yeah there are definitely some major issues with it. When a developer like Silicon Knights, on the verge of finally finishing their 10-year-100-million-dollar-project Too Human, decides to rebuild the game using a new in-house engine because of problems with UE3, you know there is something seriously wrong with the engine. Also according to Bioware (on a post in their official forums) the texture pop-in in Mass Effect is a result of UE3, if they removed the texture pop-in the framerate dropped to slideshow levels.
considering some of the best looking games to date use it i would have to disagree bioshock, gears and mass effect all used it
[QUOTE=''chip1289'']considering some of the best looking games to date use it i would have to disagree bioshock, gears and mass effect all used it[/QUOTE]
They look good but they have their share of technical problems because of UE3.
[QUOTE=''jack_russel'']Uh oh, more jaded game critics :roll: Unreal engine looks fine. Get off your high horse.[/QUOTE] NO IT DOES NOT LOOK FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!i can not like an engine if i feel like it i've seen it a million times and each time it makes me cringe i wish they would stop useing it. how does that make me jaded? oh looked it up i guess i am then.
[QUOTE=''jack_russel'']Uh oh, more jaded game critics :roll: Unreal engine looks fine. Get off your high horse.[/QUOTE]Played Mass Effect? Dunno if that was UE3s fault but the game ran horribly. It's the only UE3 game I've played, so I not a fan so far.
[QUOTE=''LastRedMage''][QUOTE=''jack_russel'']Uh oh, more jaded game critics :roll: Unreal engine looks fine. Get off your high horse.[/QUOTE] NO IT DOES NOT LOOK FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!i can not like an engine if i feel like it i've seen it a million times and each time it makes me cringe i wish they would stop useing it. how does that make me jaded? oh looked it up i guess i am then. [/QUOTE]



Because you're nitpicking. Remember back 10 years ago when games actually looked bad? Now days the biggest problems are a few pop-up issues or some minor texture discrepancies. It ridiculous.
I just dont like UE3 because everything is literally drab. Bioshock is only game that really used it well IMO.
[QUOTE=''jack_russel''][QUOTE=''LastRedMage''] [QUOTE=''jack_russel'']Uh oh, more jaded game critics :roll: Unreal engine looks fine. Get off your high horse.[/QUOTE] NO IT DOES NOT LOOK FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!i can not like an engine if i feel like it i've seen it a million times and each time it makes me cringe i wish they would stop useing it. how does that make me jaded? oh looked it up i guess i am then. [/QUOTE] Because you're nitpicking. Remember back 10 years ago when games actually looked bad? Now days the biggest problems are a few pop-up issues or some minor texture discrepancies. It ridiculous.[/QUOTE] nah i think some last gen games are more visualy appeling than UE3. for example shadow of the colossus (just finshed playing it)
[QUOTE=''Sully28'']I just dont like UE3 because everything is literally drab. Bioshock is only game that really used it well IMO. [/QUOTE]But Irrational Games (2K Boston) said they heavily Modified UE3 Engine it was just based off of the UE3 engine.
[QUOTE=''jack_russel''][QUOTE=''LastRedMage''] [QUOTE=''jack_russel'']Uh oh, more jaded game critics :roll: Unreal engine looks fine. Get off your high horse.[/QUOTE] NO IT DOES NOT LOOK FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!i can not like an engine if i feel like it i've seen it a million times and each time it makes me cringe i wish they would stop useing it. how does that make me jaded? oh looked it up i guess i am then. [/QUOTE] Because you're nitpicking. Remember back 10 years ago when games actually looked bad? Now days the biggest problems are a few pop-up issues or some minor texture discrepancies. It ridiculous.[/QUOTE] Totally agree. Some people are really fussy. I enjoyed Gears and ME regardless of pop in/framerate issues
I'm not a huge fan, but I tend to like a lot of games that use it.
It's not terrible, but definitely not as great as some people may think.
The CryEngine 2 will hopefully take off with many developers, it's a better engine.

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